What a difference a year makes! This time last year I was basking in the glow of celebrating my first New Year’s with my then fiancé. I was hoping for that phone call from my daughter and I was wishing my family could see they HURT people and apologize for specific things that had transpired over the 2014-2015 year.
Well, now I sit looking out my home office window and thinking about the past year. I was married in January of 2016 and it was the one of the most WONDERFUL days of my life. We had our closest friends and family there – minus my daughter – which was the only sadness to the day. My Matron of Honor – or Best Gal, as I prefer to call her – picked me up, we got out hair done, picked up lunch and got ready together watching the Hallmark channel. When we were both dressed, we stepped out onto the balcony of our room and watched people come to the mansion, the snow making a fresh blanket in the sunlight.
Our honeymoon in Colorado was awesome, and I enjoyed every moment of every day – fresh snow, the real fireplace, visiting the hot springs, the train ride to the top of a mountain with a picnic lunch in the snow, and lastly, a beautiful sleigh ride to a cabin in the woods with dinner and another sleigh ride back to the car.
We celebrated Easter together and one week the later, the most amazing phone call from my daughter and her then fiancé. Fast forward to one month later and I’m watching my daughter come down a staircase and marry her guy with my husband performing the ceremony.
Fast forward four months later and we find out we are going to be grandparents. Our grandson should be here in late April and I couldn’t be more excited to step into this new role as Mimsy and Opa (personally the names grandma and grandpa were ruined for me, so we looked for Scottish and German names for this honor).
Then, in July I took a trip to the beach with my Best Gal and it was awesome. I didn’t realize how tired I was, or emotionally spent, from the emotional roller coaster I had been on! We ate, slept, read, sat by the pool and floated in the pool, watched the Hallmark channel, and my favorite part was our dinners and walks on the beach every night -talking about our families, past, present and future! I had never taken a trip with a friend, and we agreed – this is a definite annual event! Our trip this year is in June!!!
Fast forward to our mission trip to the Dominican Republic and what a trip that was – my heart was not prepared for the whirlwind of emotions I would experience – while on the trip and since.
Six weeks later I left a job I had for 11.5 years and I’ve spent the past month sleeping, cleaning out closets, rearranging our home office and taking care of me for a while.
Now, here I am looking back over this past year and my heart feels like it could explode! I am blessed beyond belief with a husband, kids, three great friends and a future grandson I cannot wait to meet! I watch my daughter and her pregnant belly and she does things I did when I was pregnant, her mannerisms are so me, and I can’t help but smile that she is getting through her emotional roller coaster of past hurts and healing before her son gets here.
While this year has been full of happiness and wonderful blessings, it’s also been full of sadness at times. I recently talked to a friend and learned you can be full of joy but still sad.
I’m sad at times because I see other women don’t need or want good, Christian friends like I do. I would love more women friends to talk about life with – what’s going on in my marriage, with my kids, my family – when I was in a table group it was so nice to talk about life and have others validate how you feel, or question your motives. I see my daughter struggling – and a friend’s daughter struggling with the same issues. I wonder why we aren’t trying harder to bond.
I’m sad because I see my daughter and son-in-law struggling with issues I had as a young married person, and I wish I could solve their problems for them, but know I can’t. Their journey is their journey but I can certainly be here to love, support and listen.
I’m sad at times because sometimes I feel totally invisible to the universe. I’ve been gone from a volunteer program for three months and only one person has called to ask if I was o.k. No, I didn’t leave the program to see if anyone would call, I knew no one would, I left because I needed time to think, to grow myself and really take a spiritual break. I just think it’s weird you can be “so loved” and “needed” yet you are gone and no one notices.
So, I took these issues a Christian Sister and we talked and I learned I’m not the only one who feels this way! So, if we ARE the church and we are to BE the church, why oh why would people feel lonely?
At times, I think it’s because people are so wrapped up in their own “stuff” they do not take time to reach out. I know my own conscious is clear because I am a follow upper! If I know you are hurt, scared, ill, down, having a struggle I follow up with you – text, call or email and make sure life is okay!
I know no two people are exactly alike, and I know I am way more sensitive than most people. My friend told me I am “sensitive to the spirit” which makes me feel more deeply and it was okay to question the who, what, why and how’s of life.
So, I look to 2017 as a new opportunity waiting to grow me. I know I want to serve in different areas of church – ones that will grow me and give me an opportunity to meet new people and maybe make a new friend or two! My daughter, a mutual friend, and I are going to start a new adventure of attending a women’s Bible study at church and I’m excited about the people we may meet and the new friendships we all three may be blessed with. I am excited about my first wedding anniversary with my dear, sweet husband who shows me every day what true, Godly love is all about! I am excited to meet my grandson in April or May, whenever He decides the little guy needs to arrive, celebrating Mother’s Day with my daughter, celebrating the first wedding anniversary of her and her husband in May and I am so looking forward to the beach trip to relax, reflect and renew!
I am ending this year by letting go of the hurts of 2016 and taking what I have learned about different personalities, and the why’s of others and will use that knowledge to form new relationships!
I am ending this year by asking my Lord and Savior to lead me down the right path and be the wife, mother, friend He calls me to be through His word and with His hands guiding all I say and do.
I am ending this year being grateful and thankful to a Savior who loves me with mercy, grace, unconditionally and always reaches His arms to me when I am sad, or need a renewing of the spirit. I am ending this year thanking Him for the husband, kids and friends I have in my life who show me love, compassion, rejoice in the good times and support in the trying times.
I end this year being so full of love and blessings…
To my faithful wordpress readers and friends, I wish you all a blessed new year, thank you for your words of encouragement…

Happy New Year…
In His love and grace,
Romans 5:1-5