Have you ever had people in your life who don’t listen to the words you are saying, they decide in their own mind what they want to believe, and/or assume, and that’s the truth they hold on to?  Well, my life has been full of them – daughter, parents, friends, spouses.
What I’ve learned over the past year is you can be honest with your words and actions, and tell people how you are feeling, what your life holds to be true for you and they can’t see it – nor do they hear what you are saying.  Now, the old me would take the words of others (being thrust upon me recently) to heart and make them my truth, and doubt myself, but this new me, the one found in Christ will not relent.  I will not let my past define me.
I’ve also learned, when people think what’s in their heads to be true, it’s because they do not want to face their own “junk” and admit they played a part in the downfall of a relationship.  And it’s impossible to reason with them.
I’ve also learned if you make one mistake in the past, it will be used against you continuously until the day you die.  Some people are incapable of forgiveness and leaving the past in the past and even if you change, and are honest with your feelings, it’s easier for them to throw your past in your face and see you for what they believe you are, then who you truly have become.
I’ve also learned, if you remain true to yourself, and keep plugging away and being honest with what God wants for your life – He will sustain you through all the storms.  This is true for so many reasons and, again, I will not let my past define me.
I’ve also learned when you point out the truth –as you know it – to others, and they don’t like what you are saying, you are the enemy and they will assume and attack anything of your character to prove their point.  The old me would continue to argue and fight for my character, but not anymore.  God sees the truth, He knows what’s in my heart and this is what allows me to continue to move forward and not look back.
I’ve also learned when you tell someone they are “acting like others in your life” they don’t want to be compared to those other people, yet they cannot change their actions toward you – and thus prove your point – they want to accuse, criticize, verbally attack and not hear what you are saying, the words you are speaking, what’s in your heart to be told.
I’ve been accused, criticized, compared, verbally dragged back into my old life, and no one is listening – and I’m remaining strong.  I’m holding fast to God’s promise He will never leave me and He will sustain me.
I know it’s hard to look at someone who you love/loved and think “wow, I may have hurt this person” and to save face and not look at reality you need to keep them in a “bad light”.  Believe me, I’ve done that…and that’s okay, I have big enough shoulders to bear any accusation that comes my way.  I feel no need to fight off harsh words, slander, or what anyone feels is the “truth”.  Because I know in my heart and God knows, the truth.
Am I a little hurt?  Yes.  People say “I know the real you” but if they did, and they heard and they saw the transformation in my heart and life to this point, they would understand, I’ve changed.  Instead of running – like I would have in the past – I faced my fears, spoke my truth and have continued to move forward.  My therapist tells me this is the best thing I could have ever done, and thank God for her, because she has heard the worst of my life, has seen me cry over mistakes I have made, and has never left my side or made me think I was selfish or unjust for facing issues needing to be faced head on – I powered through, I released myself of blame for all that has gone wrong and realized it does take three to make a relationship – God, you and whoever else you chose to have in your life.
So go ahead and accuse.  But remember, God calls us to “bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another.  Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  And over all these virtues, put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity”  Colossians 3:13-14…I have chosen to forgive all those who keep accusing, blaming and being unforgiving of me…I know who walked into my life and when they walked in, and I know who walked out of my life and exactly the moment I decided to let them go – for my own sanity.  And it gets easier every day to let go of those who want to continue to accuse, persecute and blame.  Maybe because I know the truth in my heart and I know I’ve done my best – and yes, it does hurt to let go, only because I know those who continue to cut me down have no idea of the grace I’ve experienced, the storm I have been through to get THIS point in my life.  I am eternally grateful and thankful for those who have heard my entire story and supported, loved, extended forgiveness, grace and helped me realize I am not the ONLY person on the face the planet who has made mistakes, fallen short and learned to rest, reflect and repent.  And this grace does not get extended by those who just go to church on Sundays – it’s extended by those who are true followers – followers of Christ – not fans.
I have learned music is my saving grace.  It takes me to places I need, takes me to places of peace, tranquility and speaks to my heart when no one else is around.  God always sends the song I need to hear at just the right time.  And as I was reflecting on yesterdays this morning, this song came on the radio…again, I say thank God for God and for sending what we need to hear at just the right time…
 
SOAR – by Meredith Andrewss
Here I remind myself what You said over me, here I remind my soul who You are
You said You won’t relent, won’t let go, won’t forget, every promise You have whispered to my heart
I know with everything you’re with me, I know you’re working as I wait
Lift me up on wings like eagles, to soar
This desert holds a song I will sing, on and on, You’re a river when the ground I walk is dry
You will set the crooked straight, clear my path, make a way
You will lead me from the valley to the heights
As I wait, As I wait on You
I’m gonna run and not grow weary, I’m gonna walk and not grow faint
Rise up on wings like eagles, to soar
I know with everything you’re with me, I know you’re working as I wait
Lift me up on wings like eagles, to soar
This desert holds a song I will sing, on and on
You’re a river when the ground I walk is dry
You will set the crooked straight, clear my path, make a way
You will lead me from the valley to the heights
As I wait, As I wait on You
Creator, Keeper, Lifebreather, your name is greater than anything I’ve faced
As I wait, as I wait on You, I will wait, God, I will wait on You
 
So, what I’ve learned is I need to continue to SOAR..I need to continue to follow His path and listen to my heart, not the voices on my phone, not the voices in my email, not the voices of my past, not the voices in my head at times.
I’m fearfully and wonderfully made and I have a new life to live.  I was buried, raised and God has me.  I learned this June 20, 2015 and I will continue to follow His path.  
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