“I put my hope in you, I lay my life in the palm of your hand, For I’m constantly drawn to you oh Lord, in ways I cannot comprehend.  It’s no secret we don’t belong here, though set apart by the grace of you, we look for the day when we go to a place where the old bcome brand new…”

Yes, years ago, I used to put my hope in my family, my friends, my work, my hobbies.  I would be drawn to things or people, and wonder why, since I had them, why I am still so sad, or lonely, or not satisfied.  Then, I truly met the one thing that satisfies every need…GOD.  In January, I went to a gathering my church has called table groups.  It’s a small circle of people who answer questions, pray, listen to a synopsis of the sermon from the previous weekend and discuss the sermon, the devotionals and our own daily lives and struggles.  Since then, I truly feel a complete transformation of my entire being.  How could that be?  What am I talking about?  I’ll be more than happy to tell you!!!

You see, I have always believed I had to think a certain way, believe a certain way, have friends only from this walk of life, and that most certainly isn’t true.  I was programmed, if you will, to believe, I was not worthy of love, my problems didn’t warrant compassion, basically would never live up to the standards of those around me.  So, during this discussion session, where I came to talk about some really painful issues for me personally, I discovered something amazing.  Jesus used more of the unworthy to spread His good news, then saints!

There is a prostitute who was about to be stoned, a child who ran away from his father only to return penniless, but was still welcomed, a tax collector, children, I mean really, open the Good Book and read for yourself!  It’s amazing those God used…Moses, Noah, Abraham, Sarah, Mary, Joseph, Elizabeth, John the Baptist.  I recently found out even Jesus’s brother didn’t believe in Him until a certain point in Jesus ministry.  Is that incredibile or what?

I can remember some of these stories from when I was a kid, and if I dig really deep I can remember how I felt when I first discovered some of these stories.  Then, for some reason, the memories are just GONE.

Now, as I am teaching my four year olds and singing the songs and PERSONALLY diving deeper, I find myself drawn more and more and more into the word.

By diving deeper myself I have found out that Jesus was obedient to his Father, Humble, Passionate, Compassionate, Self Sacrificing, vulnerable, he grieved, he blesses us with paradise, pursues us, he never leaves or forsakes us, he can rule our heart, he calls us to bear one another’s burdens.  WOW…and that’s not even scraping the bottom of the list, that’s just a tiny inkling of what he does and what he feels.

As we go through these sermons, I have been making notes, and circling my favorite verses along the way, and write them on note cards and leave them on my desk at work, I really need to keep one in my car too so I can constantly remind myself of what the verses are…one of my favorites is Hebrews 12:2

Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfector of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Okay, let’s look closer at this one:  Let us fix our eyes on Jesus – the author and perfector of our faith – so Jesus, if we keep our eyes fixed on him will be the author and perfector of our faith.  So, all I have to do, is read his word, study his word and keep my eyes on him and he will perfect my faith.  WOW…so, he endured the cross for the joy set before him – so he wanted a relationship with me so bad, he was crucified and died for me – has anyone on earth endured any pain at my expense to have a relationship with me?  Uh, NO!  No earthly person has endured pain for me and said “I am suffering for you, so you will have a relationship with me.”  Not one.  How can I – knowing someone was willing to suffer what he suffered, how can I even remotely think I will not be all in for Christ?

I can not even fathom not being as close to Jesus as he wants to be with me!

Like Jesus, I have family who do not believe in me.  But I am going to remain in Him.

Like the prostitute Jesus saved, there are those who will persecute me.  But I will remain in Him.

Like the tax collector, there are those who believe I should not be allowed to have a relationship with Jesus, but I will remain in Him.

I know people who have burdens, and I will chose to bear those burdens with them and I will remain in Him.

Over the past 31.5 weeks I have had many people who have poured into me, and helped me grown, help me see who I really am, held my hand, held my heart, carried my burdens when I couldn’t, showed me compassion, showed me real love, and these people remain in Him.

I find myself constantly amazed when I truly think that someday those who are hungry will have a feast that never ends, the blind will truly see and find themselves stunned by the glorious colors, the lame will dance because their legs are able to move, and the weary, and I know this from experience, the weary will truly find rest in His arms.

I am constantly wanting and craving more of Jesus, more of his words and commands, more of his direction.

I am so blessed to know that God wants me, he calls me His creation, He beckons me closer in such a way, I don’t compehend, but I am certainly happy, blessed, humbled, joyful, excited…I find myself seeing colors more bright, my steps are lighter, I feel like dancing all the time, and when I am weary, and think I cannot go on, I pray, and pull His hands tighter around me and remind myself, I don’t belong here, and until the day I see His face, I’ll remain in Him.