“They’ve made me feel like a prisoner, they’ve made me feel set free, they’ve made me feel like a criminal, made me feel like a king”

Words can make you a prisoner of yourself.  The guilt we hold for things said in the wake of a journey, either to find ourselves, or maybe to help someone else find their path.  Someone else’s words can be perceived to make us feel bad and as if we have done something wrong, yet other words can raise us up so we do feel like royalty.

“They’ve lifted my heart, to places I’ve never been, and they’ve dragged me down, back to where I began”

Have you ever noticed some people – when you talk to them, are so positive and so uplifting, you feel on cloud nine when you leave them.  Others can take you back to dark places in your life when they speak.  I know several of those…and when speaking to them, they draw you into their cave of despair or make you feel as if you are a toddler!

“Words can build us up, words can break us down, start a fire in our heart or put it out.”

How many hours have you spent analyzing a conversation and wondered if the person or persons you were speaking with were trying to build you up, or break you down?  I have come to realize I mainly have had relationships with people who constantly make me question my ability to function as an adult and/or try to manipulate me and/or turn a situation to be ONLY my fault, make me question my intelligence, and definitely not hearing the truth I am trying to speak.

Ephesians 4:15 says, “Instead, by speaking the truth in love, we will grow to become in every aspect the mature body of Him who is the head, that is Christ.”

It took me a long time to fully comprehend what this verse really means.  You see I always thought it meant if someone “explained to me the error of my ways” and how “your point of view/thinking or perception was wrong” they were automatically correct.  After studying this verse, however, I now realize the point of this verse is to bring us all to the unity of faith and bring us all together as one, and to have a good conscience and for those to be ashamed when they falsely accuse you.  Your reply to someone speaking the truth to you in love should be gentle and respectful.

After speaking to my minister and therapist about all this, I now understand sometimes, people can only speak to you like you are a criminal, or toddler, because of their own immaturity. I also now understand to be mature is not just an age or experience. To be mature, you have to have spiritual and emotional growth. Without it, when someone speaks words of truth to you, they normally will tear you down, or put the fire in your heart out. This is done, because some people in our lives do not want to see us grow and become closer to other people, or to our God. How sad for these people. After speaking to very candidly to my minister, I know I am not only emotionally healthy, but spiritually healthy as well, for I can see the two sides of every coin and I have always wanted to people to fair, just, and respectful. I have always wanted relationships to be reconciled. Nonetheless, sometimes, these two aspects of health never develop in some people.

I guess this song really hits home for me in a lot of ways. I do not have too many people in my life who wish to see me emotionally healthy, or even realize I am, and they project their own “baggage and issues” on me. Okay, so is that my problem or theirs? Theirs.

What I’ve also learned, time and time and time again, is only God can heal the heartache, only God speaks over the fear, and only GOD’s voice is what I need to hear. It’s taken quite a hike over the past eleven, yes 11 years, to fully come to this realization. I’ve listened to often to others, taken to heart and beat myself up over what they have said, come pretty darn close to taking my own life, and searched, and searched and searched my heart again to hear what is really true. When I talk to my minister, however, and my counselor, it’s becoming a shorter and shorter time for me to come to terms, I am not the ONLY person with problems, and sometimes, the problems aren’t even mine to carry. It’s on others. How freeing is that? Yes, I said it once, and now I am going to say it again, I am NOT the only person with problems, or issues!! And, the more I regain my own strength, and realize I am in Him and He is in me, and His grace is the loudest sound I hear, the stronger and brighter is the fire in my heart.