I have a friend who has recently been having a bad time.  She has now been married several times and wondering what life is really about.  She feels, sad, depressed, angry, worried, stressed.  I know how she feels because I had a tough time a couple of years ago.  I wonder and am concerned about her, because of her problems, and I try to help.  I even tried posting information on facebook and asked people to send me suggestions of how to help…only one person responded and her response was “I only surround myself with sunshiny people”.  Well none of that really helped.  I feel for her because this is her third marriage, and being raised by who she was raised by, she feels that the entire universes problems are her fault.  Never in her life has she ever had someone take responsibility for their attitudes toward her, and being married this time, she truly understands that she is the common link to everyone being unhappy.  I told her to turn to God, to church, to friends, to counseling, to support groups….it’s just a very sad situation. 

I have the unique ability to be both empathetic and sympathetic to others.  I don’t know why, but I seriously think I feel people’s pain.  It’s funny how people can look into your life and tell you how they think you should handle things, but does anyone truly try to help?  I have been on the receiving end of her anger, her depression, her stress and I wonder, if her spouse feels all this too, maybe they’re at the end of they’re rope too.  How much anger, stress, and bad attitude can someone take before they break?  I recently sat down with someone I trust and laid the entire situation out on the table.  I really want to help my friend, I really want to see her smile, laugh, be “her” again, and I can almost imagine what her family must be feeling.  No one wants to be around a sad sack, yet if all the cheering up in the world doesn’t help, is it time to just leave that person alone and watch them explode?  I wonder how her spouse feels truly.  Sad, depressed, worried, probably has an ulcer from walking on eggshells because no matter what they do, I’m sure it’s not good enough.  Actions speak so much louder than words and I wonder if this couples friends and family can see that she is NOT happy and are blaming her spouse for the problems.  I talked to her spouse and learned that my suspicions were correct.  Feels helpless, hopeless, and like the weight of the world is on their shoulders.  Has wondered if there is someone else, has worried about their own physical and mental capacity, their ability to be a good, loving spouse and at this point, feels so hopeless and helpless they are just trying to live life and see what plays out.

I wonder why people can’t see the blessings right in front of them.  When I suffered my losses a few years ago, I was told repeatedly to look at my blessings, to appreciate what I had to just be happy.  Funny, how little that advice helps.

I think people sometimes have anger displaced and don’t know where to project it.  I think sometimes people take their feelings out on the ones closest to them, but don’t want to say “I’m sorry” and listen and realize how their ACTIONS can tear a person apart.  I think sometimes the words “I love you” are supposed to be the “CURE ALL” and just because you say it, you can treat someone however you want, whenever you want, and that’s that. 

I don’t see life that way.  I do think you have to count your blessings and I do think your actions speak volumes about how you really feel, so that being said, I sincerely apologize to anyone and everyone I have ever hurt.  I hope that my actions tell you something about how I really feel about and how I am.  I hope when I say I love you, you not only hear it, but feel it.  I hope when I am not doing something you think I should be doing you look inside yourself and at least partially wonder “could I have done something to offend her, hurt her, make her think I am not wanting, needing, loving her?” 

Small things to consider I know.  But I truly believe Ellen DeGeneres has it all together when she says “be kind to one another”.  Listen to those around you, especially those you love, are you hearing them?  are you living up to your end of the relationship status?  Everyone has hard times, everyone feels stressed, everyone has problems, worries, anger, it’s how we deal with it that matters. 

 

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