Sad.  Depressed.  Weepy.  Crying.  Haven’t we all felt that way?  And isn’t it true, when it rains it pours?  Do we get tired of the cliches of “it’ll all be okay”, “this too shall pass”, “keep your chin up.”  I know sometimes I truly am tired of time.  Mainly, right now, I am very tired.  Very sad.  And…it’s a feeling that comes and goes, and some days are worse then others.  Today, was such a day.  I want so much to take a vacation and not do anything but rest, and read a book and sit outside on my deck and sip lemonade.  Doesn’t sound like much, but honestly, I have $6.00 in my checking account and that’s they way it’ll be until the first of July.  Today I went to work with a smile on my face and a song in my heart, but it truly didn’t last long…long day, work stress, and calling bill collectors to make payment arrangements so I can stay afloat just completley wore me out.  Then came the panic moment of thinking maybe if I didn’t have my dog – the one thing that loves me unconditionally – would save at least $40 per month!  Yet, the thought of giving her away truly broke my heart in two pieces – and I don’t think I could put them together again…Yes, it will get better, and I have cut every corner I can (except canceling cable), and I know that I am like $100.00 away from all being GREAT!  It’ll happen and I have faith and I’ll stay strong, but when talking to my BFF from high school, I got dropped a bomb, that I knew was coming, but it didn’t hit me right.  My senior class president, who is a beautiful blue-eyed girl who had a smile that could warm your heart – is dying.  It’s true.  She has been fighting leukemia since 1999 – a bone marrow transplant, a stem cell transplant, and it came back again, in her spine.  Why?  Talk about sadness beyond what I could possibly imagine.  She is beautiful, charming, lively, wore a tuxedo to our senior prom – and all I can think of is why her?  And, why do I have a survivor?  While I know I should be looking at my blessings and enjoying them, all I feel is profound sadness for her family, her daughter who has always known a mom fighting a disease…I wonder about the money I raised for the LLSA last year for my own marathon – which those of you who followed that Blog know that I ran in Honor of Olivia and Keri and Dora and in memory of Austin Hughes and so many more who lost their battle…it’s so wrong.  All I could think of is why her?  And why, when so many people don’t appreciate their children or love their families and friends – why is always the good people, the beautiful people, the loving ones, the ones with smiles that warm your heart…why them?  Olivia got mad at me earlier to day and just doesn’t see why I am so sad and cannot “look at the bright side” 24/7, which is my usual personality – but I am so sad.  Profoundly sad.  I am sad for Dora and her family, I am sad for me for feeling sorry for myself for my own problems, I am sad for those who don’t appreciate life.   I am sad thinking being dogless would help something in my life.  I am sad.  But tomorrow, I will wake up, say another prayer for all will be okay, and I’ll make it through another day – I’ll think of Dora and her smile, work with a smile on my face and a song in my heart,  and I will come home and my dog will greet me with the puppy kisses and take the sadness away.

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